From Red Menace, a Toronto-based libertarian socialist magazine published in the 1970s.
PART ONE: Would you make a good Leader?
1. When I talk, people
(a) listen
(b) leave the room
(c) inspect their fingernails
(d) gaze at the ceiling
(e) I never talk
(f) I only talk to myself
2. My comrades are always telling me that I
(a) am intellectually advanced
(b) am ideologically advanced
(c) am sexually advanced
(d) have nice hair
(e) all of the above
(f) none of the above
3. People often come to me
(a) for advice
(b) for comfort
(c) for money
(d) to borrow something
(e) after they’ve gone to everybody else
(f) people never come to me
4. The most important quality in a leader is
(a) The ability to quickly grasp the significance of any situation at a glance, work out a detailed plan of action, and manipulate everybody into following it.
(b) To be able to complete a night compass course exercise at Ft. Benning, Georgia, without falling over a cliff or getting bitten by a rattlesnake.
(c) humbleness
(d) self-righteousness
(e) a big mouth
5. I am
(a) always right
(b) almost always right
(c) often wrong, but I seldom admit it
(d) always wrong, but I never admit it
6. People are always commenting that my eyes are
(a) filled with the steely light of strength and absolute determination
(b) evasive
(c) weak
(d) watery
(e) rheumy
(f) crazy-looking
PART TWO: Would you make a good follower?
- The main responsibility for the administration of discipline should be left to
(a) the central committee at the local level
(b) the central committee at the district level
(c) the central committee at the regional level
(d) the central committee at the national level
(e) our Glorious Leader
(f) my Mom
(g) all of the above
2. The concept of “freedom of speech” is
(a) over-rated
(b) nice if the situation allows it
(c) a petty-bourgeois fetish
(d) hardly relevant in a well-led organization
3. The ‘pursuit of happiness’ means
(a) strictly adhering to the policies and cheerfully and diligently carrying out the orders of the central committee at the local level.
(b) strictly adhering to the policies and cheerfully and diligently carrying out the orders of the central committee at the district level.
(c) strictly adhering to the policies and cheerfully and diligently carrying out the orders of the central committee at the regional level
(d) Strictly adhering to the policies and cheerfully and diligently carrying out the orders of the central committee at the national level
(e) strictly adhering to the policies and cheerfully and diligently carrying out the orders of Our Glorious Leader
(f) all of the above
4. When a problem comes up I
(a) wait to see what our leader says about it
(b) wait to see what everybody else says about it
(c) stay out of sight
(d) pretend it doesn’t exist
5. “Criticism/self-criticism” is
(a) a way of getting back at people
(b) a parlour game
(c) a kind of bloody show & tell time for grown-ups
(d) hardly relevant in a well-led organization
6. The Peoples’ State will
(a) take care of the people
(b) take care of the leaders
(c) fuck over the people
(d) wither away
7. The “dictatorship of the proletariat” means
(a) the dictatorship of the Party
(b) the dictatorship of the central committee
(c) the dictatorship of Our Glorious Leader
(d) all of the above
8. When a person of authority says squat, I
(a) vote yes
(b) get confused
(c) vote no
(d) shit
(e) all of the above
Special Bonus Question
When I see a tall shiny pair of black boots, I feel like I want to
(a) stomp someone
(b) goose-step
(c) be stomped
(d) lick them
STOP: END OF TEST
Also from the same magazine issue:
Words, words, words
Rank and file: Phil Mailer points out in his ‘Portugal: The Impossible Revolution’ that the term ‘rank and file’, so popular with trade unionists and socialists, masks an authoritarian conception, although many people who use the expression, having never thought about what it means, may not intend it that way. But ‘rank and file’ is a military term, referring to soldiers drawn up in rigid formation on the parade ground. It may accurately convey the ideas of those who think of themselves as leaders commanding their working class troops in the struggle, but it is a poor choice for those of us who have a libertarian view of working class organization.
Intervening: How many political groups describe their activity as ‘intervention’? Too many, at any rate. Those who are fond of this word should pause to consider what it implies. The concept of intervention, whether or not the user realizes it, betrays a Leninist way of looking at class struggle. The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines ‘intervene’ as ‘come in as something extraneous’. This is precisely the Leninist conception of revolution, as spelled out in ‘What is to be Done’ and adopted by every Leninist party since. According to Lenin, the working classes cannot develop socialist consciousness themselves; it has to be brought to them ‘from without’, by the socialist intellectuals organized in a vanguard party. The party represents the objective forces of history, as uncovered by the method of ‘dialectical materialism’. This view places the revolutionary outside of and above social and historical forces, and then has him ‘intervening’ in them. It is a conception that is fundamentally elitist, undialectical, and a-historical. It is neither libertarian nor Marxist.
