2014 predictions about the left

From http://trotskydo.wordpress.com/2013/12/27/2014-mystic-lev-predicts/

The Rotten Elements – Mystic Lev’s Predictions

Socialist Workers Party:

Like a stuck record, the newly-triumphant Leatherette leadership will continue to bleat about ‘recruiting the ones and twos’ – on the barricades. Comrade Delta will be reinstated and placed in charge of the party’s student section, with his very own private boudoir added to the Vauxhall bunker. Traumatised cadres will continue to leave for the clammy comforts of the swamp. Alex Callinicos will decamp to take up a professorship in Harare. Paper sales will ‘soar’, and Marxism 2014 will be ‘bigger than ever’.

Socialist Party:

Although strategically embedded in the anti-cuts movement, the SP will find it difficult to persuade others to join its rapidly-thinning ranks. With its own internal crisis already bubbling to the surface, a house style firmly rooted in 1950s dreariness, and a membership consisting of sartorially challenged older males, the SP will fail to take advantage of the new conditions. It will retreat to its bastions in the north, muttering darkly about ‘nationalising the top 200 companies’ in a fake Scouse accent.

Counterfire:

Traumatised by the failure of its Firebox cafe, the Gang Of Two will move into the coffee-cart business. Expect to see the Counterfire website stagnate as acolytes of the Rees-German clique are sent out to peddle coffee and croissants on the streets of the capital. The final death agony of the Latte Leninists is at hand.

Left Unity:

Left Unity will continue to tear itself apart in bitter internecine struggles over key questions such as whether members should address each other as ‘comrade’, and what colour its logo should be. By the end of 2014, both Left Unity and the kind of defensive struggles it was formed to pursue will have been tossed into the dustbin of history.

Workers Power:

WP will persevere with their struggle for a Marxist programme in whichever labour movement organisations are misguided enough to let them through the door. Although fundamentally correct, their infuriating monomania and knee-jerk sectarianism will ensure that no-one takes any notice of them.

ISN (Seymourite):

The Seymourites will continue their assault on the bastions of journalism and academe while the working class is busy storming the bastions of capitalism. By the end of the year the grunts will have joined their old comrades in an SWP Mark II (Stackite), while the leadership will have replaced SR as the British section of the Fourth International.

ISN (Nelsonite):

As Babylon burns, the Nelsonites will conduct brutal internal struggles around ‘intersectionality’ and the legacy of the Frankfurt School. By the winter over half of them will ‘self-identify’ as anarchists. No-one will care.

The AWL:

After years of being ostracised by the rest of the Left for their enthusiastic support of the Israeli state, the AWL will finally crack and reform itself as a publishing house for the poetry of Chairman Matgamna. By the end of the year they will have published his masterful ‘Ode To Dimona‘.

Socialist Resistance:

The liquidationist’s liquidationists, SR will finally realise its ambition of self-immolation by dissolving into Left Unity. Confirming their suspicion that no-one credulous enough to take eco-socialism seriously can be trusted, the Mandelite Fourth International will remove SR’s status as its UK franchise holder. No-one will notice.

CPGB (Marxist-Leninist):

The doyens of the Stalin Society will struggle to persuade a re-energised working class to embrace the questionable charms of the Juche Way. The Brar/Rule clique will be invited to ‘holiday’ in Pyongyang. They will never be heard of again.

The Association Of Musical Marxists:

The AMM will continue to fiddle while Rome burns, despite their inability to hold a tune.

CPGB/Weekly Worker:

The Weekly Worker editorial team will continue to publish its squalid little scandal-sheet. That is all.