50 Years Ago: Mr. Dooley on Capital and Labour

(From the “Socialist Standard,” April 1907)

At Christmas time Capital gathered together his happy family around him an’ in th’ prisince iv th’ ladies iv th’ neighbourhood gave thim a short oration. “Me brave la-ads,” said be, “we’ve had a good year (cheers). I have made a millyon dollars (sensation). I attribute this to me supeeryer skill, aided by ye’r arnest efforts at th’ bench an’ at th’ forge (sobs). Ye have done so well that we wont need so many iv ye as we did (long and continyous cheerin’). Those iv us who can do two men’s wurruk will remain, an’ if possible do four. Our other faithful servants” he says, “can come back in th’ spring ” he says “if alive” he says. An’ th’ bold arty sans tossed their paper caps in th’ air an’ give three cheers f’r Capital.

They wurruked till ol’ age crept on thim, an’ thin retired to live on th’ wish-bones an’ kind wurruds they had accumylated.

Mr. Dooley in Capital & Labour.