[Quotes]

At Christmas time Capital gathered his happy fam’ly around him an’ in th’ prisince iv th’ ladies iv th’ neighbourhood gave thim a short oration. “Me brave la-ads,” said he, “we’ve had a good year (cheers). I have made a millyon dollars (sensation). I atthribute this to me supeeryor skill, aided by ye’r arnest efforts at th’ bench an’ at th’ forge (sobs). Ye have done so well that we wont need so manny iv ye as we did (long and continyous cheerin’). Those iv us who can do two men’s wurruk will remain, an’ if possible do four. Our other faithful servants” he says “can come back in th’ spring” he says “if alive” he says. An’ th’ bold artysans tossed their paper caps in th’ air an’ give three cheers f’r Capital.
They wurruked till ol’ age crept on thim, an’ thin retired to live on th’ wish-bones an’ kind wurruds they had accumylated.

Mr. DOOLEY in “Capital and Labour.”

A LESSON ON “VALUE.”

For the loss of a dog in a railway accident on the Midland, the owner has been awarded £300 damages. For the loss of her husband, an engine driver, also in a railway accident, a Mrs. Robbins has just been awarded £100. Don’t get married, ladies—take out a dog licence.