Ask Uncle Karl

Breaking news…Karl Marx is alive and well and to earn a few bob he is doling out advice on matters political and economic under the pen name of Uncle Karl. Here are his replies to the first batch of letters received.

“Dear Uncle Karl,

Is it acceptable for socialists to support their national football team?”

Uncle Karl: “The workers have no country. But cheering your national side is maybe understandable. Unless you mean Scotland.”

“Dear Uncle Karl,

There’s a girl I really like but she’s from a die-hard Tory family. I daren’t tell her I’m a socialist because I’m afraid she’ll dump me.

What should I do?”

Uncle Karl: “You need to take the bull by the horns and come clean. As Eric Clapton might have said, get her into your big red car and show her what your politics are”.

“Dear Uncle Karl,

A close friend of mine is getting married. I’d feel bad, and upset people, if I didn’t go to the church wedding. But an hour’s kneeling, standing, sitting and pretending to say prayers and sing hymns is not something I wish to inflict on myself.

What would you do?”

Uncle Karl: “There will be plenty kisses of peace going around. So try and do the kneeling, standing and sitting next to someone you fancy”.

“Dear Uncle Karl,

My wife wants to hold a Brexit barbecue, complete with English produce and Union Jack bunting. How can I avoid taking part without causing too much friction?”

Uncle Karl: “Pretend to enter into the spirit of things. Insist on wearing nothing but a small piece of the bunting. Everyone will run a mile from your Best of British.”

“Dear Uncle Karl,

My local LibDem team have plans to help finance the re-opening of a pub a couple of miles away from my house. Is it ok to vote for them on purely local issues?”

Uncle Karl: “Under no circumstances should you support this. You should insist they campaign for a new pub across the road from you.”

“Dear Uncle Karl,

I own a small business. Should I make use of tax loopholes to pay as little as possible, or stump up to help the economy?”

Uncle Karl: “Taxation is not a working class issue. You should therefore avoid it wherever possible. But if you have a few hundred put by, send it to me and I’ll make sure it gets into the economy”.